Close or closed?

Tuesday Night..!!

While sipping on the silence of night, this one thought is continuously fighting for its existence.. For the past few weeks, it has strengthened and has started to threat, that if is not allowed to come out, it will start to devestate. Seems, tonight it has won the fight.. Or maybe I am ready to leave it in the outer world to roam freely, any of them can be the possibility..
What is the meaning of being alone? Simply, it denotes the non-availability of someone close to us.. Or maybe, dis-allowance of that close one from coming nearby.. But do we really need to be alone? I Guess, not..! If we want to be alone, at a specific time, such as when the heart starts to feel heavy, or when the wheels of some perishing thoughts starts to revolve or when a hurricane of worries arrive..then it simply means that we are not allowing our close ones, at the time when they are most needed, thus making them ineligible from falling under this very category.. People falling under this category are not the ones with whom we spend our maximum time, or talk the most..instead they are the ones with whom we are willing to share our internal ruckus and chaos, the ones on whose words we can put our shoulders and cry, the ones with whom we are willing to share our demons with, the ones on whom we can rely.. But if we are not allowing them to peek inside of us, at the time of the unstability, vulnerability, then it means, those persons are not your "Close ones", in fact they are the "Closed ones"..closed in an envelope and thrown away in the ice of departure, to freeze..

O Life..! Drag me closer to you.. Allow me to peek inside you, so that I can hold your demons and provide you the support you need..

Thoughts: Do you even get tired, for once?

Wednesday night..!!

Why aren't the thoughts at sleep? Why they don't apply for a vacation? Why they don't mute themselve? Why they don't understand that this person, me, is not full of infinite energy? That even I also get tired from thinking. First they forced me to think about the past. And they forced me this much that it needed to kill many of them in sake of getting over the past.
Irony is the thing that, even after killing some of the thoughts, now their offsprings, who might have been in wombs at that time, now have grown up, and has resumed the activity of making me nervous, of making me uncomfortable, act of making me thinking a lot, but about the present.. This time, from their attitude I can conclude that they are pretty optimistic and confident that I am not going to harm them. Though, it is not necessary that they will be devastating ones as their ancestors. Who knows, they become productive for me.
If those thoughts can be optimistic, then why can't be I? :)
O thoughts! You and Your never dying spirit, are beautiful! I have started to fall for you.! I 'think' I am in love with You.!

Some fragments of your fragnances.,!!

Saturday night..!!

it has been a month since my eyes and thoughts had agreed on the same fact : your beautiful face...and of course your beautiful heart.. Since that day, some fragments of your fragrance, which you gifted, unintentionally, can be seen in every nook...
tonight, once again the same feelings, have started to emanate..the thoughts, to know you properly, to understand you properly.. Thoughts, to come out of the labyrinth and puzzles of some too simplistic gestures..
they know that you are tough, it is tough to be with you., but they also know that it will be tougher, to get away from you..to part from you... I might be just a letter for you, but you are the complete poetry for me..
there is a slight chance that they(my thoughts) consider me good for you, but they definitely know that you are the best thing happened to me..
Yes it is true, and you must accept it that you are beautiful, in fact most beautiful thing happened to me..
O Life! You are beautiful... !!

When I was alone, in my dreams..

Sunday Night..!!

You were roaming through my mind, flickering my thoughts, waiting me to sleep so that you can influence my dreams. I think that my thoughts about you are getting jealous of you.. They surely know that you are the one who will be in my dreams, and that those thoughts, they are only limited until my eyes are wide open and as soon as I start to doze off those thoughts become a distant spectator as You acquire the place which they considered as their birthright..

But I pity on those thoughts that they felt inferior to you.. I think they forgot that, situations may change, but people, they remain the same..

Misery of History or the Mystery of the Future..!!

Today, once again She tried to reconnect.

But as soon as She tried, the connection got embedded, and somehow His impression got carved on the wetlands of Her heart, soon to be turned into rocks. Impressions, which were going to last for an eternity, enough to make Her lighter, enough to provoke Her to fly higher and higher until He is not found in the crowd, scattered underneath. But hey! It’ll be quite inappropriate if one says that He ‘needed to be found’ among them, as He stand tall from the rest, allowing Him, to dignify and signify Himself.

With the every passing and flying moment, alike the tiny bits of invisible dust, capable of affecting the normality, She started to get soaked in His persona. Those mysterious eyes, those crumbling lips, unseen beauty of His unchalked territory, were enough to ravage the ‘Inner’ Her.

Suddenly, with the grace of ‘Omniscient’, the time halted, forcing Her to take Him out of the imaginative world, created by Her Heart, where only She and Him existed, and to introduce Him to the outer world, the real world.

Indeed! She did the same and obliquely introduced Him.

“Hey wait! Did I say that She introduced Him?”

Mistakenly, I did.

Silly me! Precisely the opposite happened. Yes! The opposite happened. It was Him who was the introducer, notHher. He introduced Her to the world, which resulted in Her existence in the real world.

But, that introduction led Her to the aphasic mode. As She was supposed to utter some words, some beautiful words. But, the one who claimed to be a sorcerer of words was short on Her tricks. Not a single letter escaped.

Ultimately, as a cover up, the silence did the entire hard and tricky job, which the words could not do, of course due to their absence. Oh Stranger!! Even silence was not able to define You and Your  importance, until that long cheeky smile came on the chariots of red cheeks, resulting in the “act of Blush”. Yes! The writer of Him  was blushing! Consequently, it did the remaining work.

The silence with the blush was enough to His introduction to the real world. Oh! The fragrance was to be uncaged, it was to be dispersed among them. The wings of her “idiocy” spread to cover the whole Her, to over shadow Her presence.

Look, what She had done! Everyone was more delighted by His presence than Her, eventually that ‘every one’ included Her too. Oh Fragrance! Amid those delicious gestures, the bitterness of the characteristics of fragrance was continuously prodding Her heart.

 "Will it be a long lasting aroma, or will it be a short lived odor, which fills with mesmerizing memories and then leaves for eternity to agonize in the pain of its cravings, only time can tell."

Still, She hopelessly hopes, the history doesn't affect the future, even if it makes an everlasting impression. The hold of future must be so tight that only some lessons can be learnt from the history instead of getting delved into it.

"Oh History! I’m not ready to be buried in you; instead I’m ready to fly with the future..!"

Chasing A Dream......!!!

"Shadows crawl,
In every direction of yesteryears,
Confiscate
The hoardings,
Of clustered conclusions.."

One fine day while watching out of the window he turned his head to his room!! Outside there somewhere, some people were cherishing their happiness as India won the world cup!! Every one present in there, was hoping for a glimpse of that parade!! But for him, it was nothing but a vulgar crowd which only causes disturbance!! It was not the case that he isn't a cricket fan!! It was just the matter of moment that he didn't want to look outside the window in a world where you don't exist......with him!!

So, here he is once again.... Once again toped with the thoughts that whatever may happen in the path, regardless the journey, you will accept him finally!!! Once again, slumbered on the thoughts that only thing that matters in your life is the love which has been forbidden!! Enough to get him high!! Pity him!! Still living in the imaginary world which places you on top of his priority list!! Which hasn't even mentioned any other thing in the list!! But one more thing he surely knows is that it is not going to happen because that world is nothing but a creation of his caring mind whose only goal is to see him happy, and that by any mean!! But that pity mind has no idea about the world which exists in your imaginations..that your imaginary world doesn't even care about him, about his feelings.. It doesn't know that in your world not enough places are vacant, and those which are...aren't meant for him.,, it doesn't know that he doesn't have a place in your world whether it is imaginary or if it is the real one!!

Meanwhile, He still gets to see those dreams where you and him, exist together!! Where, he still gets to hold your hand, where he still gets to feel your words, where he still picks your frizzed hairs, where you still rest your head on his shoulders, where he still get amused by the warmth of your breath..!! Alas!! They are all imaginary!! They all grope him with their expanded hands and that they don't let him leave that place!! That they incinerate his feelings and dreams!! 

He had done so many things to get out those impregnated feelings!! So many times he tried to make them understand that you and him together, isn't possible..even in the distant dreams!! Those feelings behaved as the free bees which are destined to transfer only venom!! As the scorching sun rays of summer!! 

They say that they aren't waiting for you  but, are hoping for the goodness of him, so that the dreams don't be left as stoor!! They are so determined that they don't do any thing except hope, because it resembles your face!! Yeah! You got it right, Hope resembles your face!! Someday, in that dark tunnel of ignorance a ray of your acceptance will bloom.!! Either in this birth or maybe next!! An optimistic imagination!! .

I don't know if this will be enough to pillage your attention!! I still doubt if that imaginary world will ever come into existence!! And if it does, will the time be same?? Will the conditions be same?? Will the world be same?? Will the words be sane?? But as Albus Dumbledore once said, "In dreams we enter a world which is completely ours!!" He is satisfied that no one else can own you, in his dreams, which is solemnly a creation of his!!

"My dreams,

Look,

For the real thing.

And my reality

Chases

A dream.."

-Deepti Naval (Black Wind)

The Cemetery....

Tapping of feet, clapping of hands, whispers of wind, melody of anklets.. Just another day and I would have ignored... But that day, it didn't seem to be possible.. Neither it was a bad day at office nor in the way... I mean no quarrels, no fights, no debates, no arguments, no teachings and preachings to walkers on social issues.... Quite a good day..! Though it was a peaceful day, yet calmness of mind was absent and seemed that it had flew away somewhere..  As I went to the cemetery after the office hour, which was at the nook of the street where I used to take the bus for my home, which is also have been declared a Heritage site by the Archaeological Survey Of India.. Don't know why but I couldn't coax myself to drag myself home.. Due to the interest in Historical place, perhaps.. The blatant mood of mine, forced me to end at the cemetery.. As soon as the philosophical part of mine, preached that it's the ultimate destination..the final one... I decided to have a glimpse of the place which will be going to be the last destination, the final one..

Those curiosities housed in me and forced me to have a sneak peek in the cemetery, as there was something, something which was prompting of its presence.. which was attracting me towards it.. Though I knew that if I convinced myself to go there,   I would definitely find myself late at home, yet that something posed more attractive and got over my worry of getting late.. So, I decided to give it a try and to experience something new, as I had never visited any cemetery before.. Well, usually no one does.. But there is a saying that some people live in world which is nothing but a creation of their own.. And I think I'm definitely one of those who do believe in the creation and existence of their own world.. Also preferred to visit it, as I had never felt the atmosphere of a cemetery.. As I had never felt my presence among dead people.. Or maybe because I too belonged among them..as somewhere deep inside I was also not alive, Me in myself was dead.. So what if I hadn't visited it before, there is always a First time for everything.. It's always better to regret for results than for not attempting... 

So, finally I stepped in with those rigorous thoughts... On the gate there was an old man who had got the responsibility of guarding dead people.. I don't know why it's necessary to guard dead people.. I mean "Come on!! Are they going to come out of their graves and going to run away...?" Anyways, that guard cautioned me to not to enter at this time, as it was 7.15 pm and the surrounding was getting darker.. He even stopped me for a minute and wasn't allowing me to enter... But after impugnating him, and having a logical fight with him, of course in literal form, he permitted me with the advisory caution that I must return back quickly and should not go deeper... Once again some questions popped in my head "What if some of those deads come out of their graves and start to run, will that guard be able to stop them?? If not, then what's the need and use of that guard..? Isn't people living on streets are more important to be secured and guarded than those who are residing peacefully in their provided shelters and are dead..?" They were same as my feelings: dead.. But when some of them manage to get out of their graves, all they do is make chaos and start to devastate..

After getting the permission and stepping in the cemetery I came to know that it was a Christian cemetery and that it used to be governed by some Christian Board, but now under the protection of ASI.. There were almost thousands of graves and gravestones, which were so old that they seemed to be terraced in British Era.. Some of them too beautiful to be called gravestones.. It would be more precise if one calls them 'Sculptures'.. Each of them eager to narrate their own story and eager to listen to mine.. But ruins and breakings of them were prohibiting them from doing so.. They were in bad state, demanding for renovation.. Most of the Shives of their plaster were also missing.. It resembled with that poor street boy, whose clothes get torn and his bare skin can be easily seen, yet they fail to decrease the cuteness and the innocence of his face.. Those graves were also depicting the same sombreness and beauty despite of their unsound condition.. I never found anything so attractive before, maybe because the tendency of loving the state of brokenness, had clouded all over me..

Anyone else, would have thought those hillocks as mere exaltation, which are only meant to, cover the cover of some English putrid flesh... But for me it was like my own story... Those graves were like me... Left alone in the middle of the city by the closed ones, broken and having an untold and unknown story in which no one seemed to be interested... Anyways I observed that each of them were erected beautifully on the bossom of the Earth.. After observing it closely, I found that they also had got carved some writings on it.. Perhaps name, or some quote.. Thousands of graves, but among them was one which was attracting me most, was the twin one... It were two graves built so close that it seemed to be one.. Seemed to be of someone who were meant to be too close to each other in their life and who tried to defy the death to separate them, even after their death... The mound of which were rectangular in shape and were wrested orthogonally as two smiling lips have been merged to make one.. I tried to read the words which were embossed on the stone.. Unfortunately, it was quite hard to read, as they appeared to be forgotten in the time.. The way they were covered with dust and leaves I can assure that no one had visited them in a long time... Seemed to be left alone for many years.. Though tough, yet I tried to read the words, failed to read the English letters but succeeded in reading the numeric ones.. After showing a full attention, only thing I was able to read was, 26th September, 1912.. So, one thing was clear that the stones were raised on 26th of September, year 1912.. There was something strange in it.. Both of the stones had same date.. That helped in depiction of the correct scenario.. That they died on the same day..

I sat close to it and tried to part the covering dust and leaves so that it could become easier to read the names written on it.. As soon as I touched it, I felt a hand on my shoulder... My fingers started to tremble, heart started to beat faster, vision blurred.. And as a normal mind would've reacted, my mind too started to shape lots of equations.. All the stories I had read about graveyards and cemeteries, started to flash before my eyes.. And before I turned to see who it was, or what it was, I blacked out.....

............to be continued