Satisfactio

The crayolish rays were fully visible on the curtains of oceanic sky, turning it into a beautiful girl wearing a blue saree. The birds on the way, to their roost after a long and hectic day, must have been thinking to go and touch the face of the girl, but they were unable to do so, due to their tiredness and onus towards their family. Still, they were adding beauty to the dress as they seemed glyphs on the border of that saree, seemed embroidered by a reputed weaver. The wind was blowing mildly and with it, was blowing the branches of the nearby tree turning them into the hairs of that beautiful girl.. The clusters of clouds were enough to shape the perfect curves..
On the ground, there were some children playing.. Innocent faces, without a single crease of worry.. Among them, was a boy brownish in context, with an un-explainable peace on his face, who looked familiar. Don't know how, don’t know Why... The boy had a reel (charkhi) in his hands, and was flying a kite.. The way he was swaying his arms and handling the reel, the way he was keeping himself differentiated from the rest of the boys, just to fly his kite, the way he seemed obsessed with his kite, seemed it was his most beloved thing, closest to his heart.. It seemed that his kite was helping him, to measure the drapes of the saree, to measure the sky, with its thread..

"Doesn't the same happen with us? The one whom we love the most or the one who loves us the most helps us in achieving the highest feats, supports us in adverse situations and makes us believe in ourselves, makes us recognize our own capabilities.."

Seemed, the boy too was trying to touch the beauty of the girl with the help of his kite.. In the process, his kite was making a shape of bindi for the girl.. He continued to fly his kite, unworried.. He tried to touch that girl many times, tried to feel his beauty many times, but failed, due to the distance.. As everything has its own limits, so had the thread.. Though he failed everytime, yet he kept trying.

"Isn't it the nature of the heart to try, to try without thinking of the consequences. It doesn't bother about the outcome and the time it will consume.. Though all it wants is success, practically or philosophically, philosophical success is preferred more as it is a way to find the inner meaning, of which practicals are not capable .."
Those who prefer practicals over theories are the same who want to top in exams without having a proper knowledge of it!! Practicals are conducted by the 'external us' which can be seen and touched, but to feel, we've to be philosophical.. Some people may support my opinion but a lot will differentiate them from it because they think that everyone can't be philosophical.. But they should know that 'Philosophy is nothing but, one's point of view, one's perception, one's attitude, one's method of handling situations.. Philosophy resides in every one of us.. From the morning wake to Night's sleep, everything includes some part of philosophy... Well! Let's not go for the definitions..
Time passed and the crayolish rays first turned appricottish and then they turned more dim, with it, the glowing face of the girl also turned dim.. The blue sky was also turning into black, the blue saree turned into a black one, where some glittering sparkles and squinches could be spotted.. The wind became more mild and the birds had probably reached their nests and were preparing to dine.. Though so much changed, still it looked beautiful.. But it was only the external and artificial beauty.. Seemed she has concealed her face behind her hairs..
On the ground, the boy started to wrap things up, was bringing down the kite rapidly and in that hurry he entangled his kite in the nearby tree. It stuck in the branches.. Seemed the girl herself wasn't willing to leave her..
The boy tried to get it back, he thrusted all his effort, only to fail.. From the ground he was unable to get it back.. So he decided to climb up the tree.. He tried to climb but couldn't as he was not capable of doing it!! Yet he tried..

Climbed a little but to fell.. Climbed a little more but again to fail.. The more he was failing to get near the kite, the more desperate he was becoming.. More he climbed, the more he fell.. The More he fell, the More he progressed.. Everytime he failed, he progressed.. Ultimately, he got his reward, he got upon the tree.. He was on the tree, was clinging towards his goal. He went on the edge of the branch to get the kite.. Alas! As soon as he had the kite in his hand, a sound of crack happened and with it the branch broke.. And the boy fell down with the kite in his arms.. As, the boy was falling down, there was a smile and an expression of satisfaction on his face, instead of tears and fright.. The next moment he was on the ground to not to smile again, to not to measure the sky again, to not to get up again, but with the kite in his arms.. The boy was dead..
Instantly my eyes opened and widened.. Nothing in the sight, the sky, the rays, the birds, the trees, the children, the kite, the boy, everything disappeared.. Only thing present, was darkness, a dark darkness, a dark pitched darkness and a few drops of sweats on the forehead.. A river of tears emanated from the eyes. Was that a dream? Or a nightmare? Probably a dream, because it ended on a happy note.. Happy note? The boy died and death can't be reason for happiness unless it's of a devil.. True.. Death can't be a reason for happiness ever.. But we need to observe the other aspect also.. What about the satisfaction on the boy's face? His beloved in his arms? Oh yes! "Isn't it what we all want? Die smiling, satisfaction in our heart projected through our face and the most beloved one in our arms.?"
Glanced on the clock : 4.04 am.. Dawn it was. After relaxing a bit, thought about the dream, thought about the boy.. Oh boy! Now, i got why his face looked so familiar? It was no one else but me.. I saw myself.. It was me who tried, tried, tried and failed, yet succeeded..
Is it appropriate to connect ourselves with the dreams? Don't know.. It Is said that morning dreams come true.. Yes, I want them to be true..

"To have satisfaction on the face, smile on the face and the loved one in the arms, when I die.." 

But the biggest question Is :

"Will it come true?"

Isn't death the ultimate answer??

That day when melancholy grasped my heart for one more time, the day when thoughts of you became more inevitable, the day I got tired of thinking about our deserted relationship, the day I started doubting myself  if I can take all the lifetime pain I’ve been bestowed with or not, the day all my philosophy either fled away or dried away in the deserts of our relationship, the day my wit and my knowledge got lost in the dark tunnel of pain, “I made a decision, a decision of getting rid of all this, of this non-confined and unending pain, to get rid of faith and belief that I can control my feelings and my life, to get rid of my unsure happiness, I made a decision of attaining peace….”

I thought and searched all probable and possible methods of getting It, but I failed.. Couldn’t see any path from where I can go to a place where I can get it except the road to your house. Fortunately-unfortunately, luckily-unluckily I didn’t take it, I couldn’t take it…..

I consulted my friends and benevolents  and a major reply of getting numb in the form of solution of getting peace…

Well, getting numb is another form of obtaining peace but for a short span of time. “There s a thin line between attaining peace and getting numbed, by former we mean calmness, somberness, for a stable period or for a lifetime but from latter one we get confused of attaining peace..”  Once we get over the numbness, the problems and worries feign us again… I calculated all this in that while, made all the combinations and permutations in my mind.. Yet on that particular time I made my mind to get numbed….

Suggestions came flying and flowing, the easiest, simplest and the cheapest way of attaining The Numbness : by taking the help of Alcohol… Yes alcohol! This was the way by which I was trying to bury your thoughts : by dipping it in alcohol….

Bottles were bought and brought and so called pegs were made… So…. Battle field was ready and all the firearms were ready to fire.. Only thing left was, making an order.. Took the glass in my left hand and your thoughts in another, tried to weigh them… The left hand seemed much lighter.. Yet, I avoided it and took the glass and bade goodbye to all your thoughts.. Raised it to the lips, took it too close till it finally filled the gaps between the lips and the glass… But couldn’t take it.. why?? Because your bellicose thoughts came to my mind with a flame which burnt the decision of getting numbed… The flame was nothing but the promise that I’ll never smoke or drink whatever the consequences are… Once again I felt weakness in my hand and it started trembling.. It forced me to throw away the glass before gulping the material in it… “The time when my wit and knowledge left me alone, your thoughts guided me through the tunnel of negativity..” How many are so lucky to get a person like you, even in their thoughts..?

That made me think of some other way of getting peace.. This time I was more desperate to attain peace and “that for a lifetime”… The solution struck my mind with a lightning speed… To get a lifetime peace all I need to do is “CUT”.. 

And I did cut… If succeeded, I would’ve been “resting in peace”..

“Life is all about getting satisfaction and peace.. All we need to do is cut.. It only depends where and what are we cutting..”

BIGGEST MYSTERY OF LIFE.: When to be selfish and when to be selfless...??

A post very close to my heart.... Posting it one more time....
"All the creatures in this world are selfish and so are we, but
according to human nature we humans want to do something different and
unique, so why don't we start it from here, 'OUR OWN NATURE"..
And as we know, every living creature in this world is born selfish,
but, we must do selfless services for people who are in need,
considering the whole picture and not just our selves. It may be a
case that "the people who are in need", don't deserve a selfless
service. But then also we should help them, and serve them.. If we are
helping and caring for someone who doesn't deserve that, then only
we're not selfish, otherwise we are, 'selfish', because "a selfless
activity/service means acting without thinking a little thing about
the person..." a person who is completely innocent, offering himself
as a selfless person to the others, including his enemies and become a
ransom of the world. It is a perfect act of being selfless to even
those who don't deserve it...."
"ONLY THOSE WHO HAVE LEARNED THE POWER OF SELFLESS CONTRIBUTION,
EXPERIENCE LIFE'S DEEPEST JOY: 'TRUE FULFILLMENT'....."
-Anthony Robbins

Jo chala gaya mujhe chhodkar......

"Jo chala gya mujhe chhodkar, main kbhi na usko bhula saka..

Woh doorian, woh faasle. 

Main inko na mita saka..

Kya use v mujhse pyar tha,

Ya bs....?

Ye aisa ajib sawaal tha, 

Jo meri smjh me na aa ska..

Meri dil ka sukun tha, meri jindgi ka junoon tha..  

Woh meri bndgi tha, meri jindgi hai,

Usko yeh na bta ska..

Yehi sochta hu main raat bhar,

Gar tu mila kisi din raah par... 

To karunga tujhse shikayaten..
Tu mila to lab v na hila ska..
Jo chla gya mujhe chhodkar, main usko na kbhi bhula ska.."

I know what you were thinking when youy were reading this? I'm damn sure that while reading this someone was roaming in your mind... 'Someone, whom you considered everything in yor life.. Someone, for whom you boasted to bring the Moon and the Stars.. Someone, whom you considered your LIFE.." But what get in return was a Betrayal.. Don't get me wrong.. Betrayal doesn't mean that He/She left you purposelly..
Now, for a moment think from a different point..
Before that let me tell you something : So many people asked me this question, "why DEATH?" Why am I advocating death these days? This post is for you guys... Actually I didn't bother to answer them... a simple reply by me was that Death is more loyal than life... as usual they asked me for a proof..
Fellas, this is the proof.. Just think of death while reading the above hindi poem... if it fits in the poem then i'll consider myself WRONG.. But I'm damn sure that it'll never fit... "Has death ever betrayed someone? Has death ever left someone? Has death not sure?"
Do you have the answer? I know you have... And eventually I too have an answer.. Co-incidentally we both have the same answer... And the answer is  "NO" "NEVER"....

JUST TRYING TO SHOW THE BRIGHT FACE OF death... :)

Who's more loyal, Life or Death?

In my last post I wrote that I want to die.Yes!It's true and I still want to. Got many messages. The most common message was "Why I want to die?" basically this post is for them.
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"All our life,
We,
Collect stones,
Ignoring,
Diamonds."
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There are around 6bn people on the Earth.Each & every one with the same aim, "To live".Only thing they want first is "Survival".Only thing they want to do first is "Live". All the years people spent or rather we can say, Waste their life in search of life, but what they get in return is not sure. Only probability is that they'll get a little happiness & smile with a long-lasting pain,sorrow,grief. Basically we can say that we get pain in search of life. For example: Gandhiji. "For him, a free India was his life. And yes he did achieve it. But what he got in return? A bullet on his chest by his own countryman for whom he fought all his life & a long lasting pain for his soul in the form of corruption."
Subhash Chandra Bose. "For him also a free India was his life. Although he didn't see it but did search it all his life. And what he got in return? A lifetime exile from India & also an exile from the primary school books."
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In the same way, for me my life is "You". It starts from you and ends to you. What I expected to get in return when I was running behind my life: satisfaction,peace,happiness and love. But what I got? A short-living happiness followed by a long-lasting pain in the form of your giving up.
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All this time I wasted running behind while someone loyal, someone honest, someone lovable was always there & waiting for me.Who'll reverse the effect of life and grant unlimited happiness,a never-ending peace in exchange of a short-time pain.
After these years of running behind my life(YOU) I've become weak and got tired.Now, I've made my mind to surrender myself to her, who has opened her arms to embrace me.
"Who's she?"
She is no one but
.
DEATH.
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"Death,
Loyal honest lovable,
In every field,
Compared to,
Life."
.
Madman

Deadman

An open letter to the ex.. From the boys who can't endure...

"Best things in life,
Unseen,
We close our eyes,
When we kiss,
Wish and Dream.."
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Valentines week: celebrations going on among couples. This year I had also a chance of participation but had to cancel it due to our sudden partition.But it's ok. Actually i was excited because i've never celebrated it earlier.But the separation saved me.It didn't make any change and I should feel happy about this b'coz "Often change brings disaster with it." In this way I shall consider myself lucky that I'll not face any difficulty.
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Whatever we should do in life we only do if it is true,faithful,honest,loyal and possibly longlasting or everlasting.I shall thank you for leaving me before the V-week.Because neither I want to celebrate only one V-day in my life nor I want to celebrate it with new partner each and every year.
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Happier part is that someone is stalking me for some weeks and she wants me to be her valentine.But I dnt want to, coz u're the one who's in my heart.I'm asking you, "Shall I accept her proposal?"She'll never leave me.And it's going to be a lifetime relationship.I'm seeking your permission b'coj my heart is a slave and you're the master.Hope you'll not disappoint me and grant me the permission.
.
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Since we've been separated my heart is on silent mode.It doesn't talk to anyone.Hey! It has started vibrating.A message!Seems,our hearts are inter-connected.Great! I knew it.You granted your permission.You're such a kind-hearted girl indeed.
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"My heart still aches in sadness,
And secret tears will flow!
What it means to lose you,
No one will ever know."
.
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Finally, I'm going to celebrate V-Day & that with my lifetime partner, one who'll never leave me,whom I'll never leave,One who's going to embrace me in her arms and will keep me there,always.
Don't you want to know who's it? What's her name?
"Death".... :)
Bye.. And best of luck for your valentine.. :)

"Death is well understood, it's LIFE which isn't."
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Madman or Deadman...?